Sitting here staring out the window wondering why I am still here. I look out at see the houses being built and all of the trees just slowly being removed. I remember being younger and sitting at my grandfathers house while it was being built in the middle of nowhere North Florida. I remember seeing the bricks being stacked and mortared to build the walls – the smell of crisp morning air and the fresh cut wood as they were framing things out. It’s weird how just a fleeting glimpse of an image can take you back somewhere and make you remember a different time in your life…the memories that bring back smells even if they’re not present.
Then you have the times where the thoughts are hard to control – sometimes my mind can take me to places where I do not want to go. That is when I have to not overthink and go down the rabbit hole I am peering into. Many a times have I gone off the deep end and lost countless hours on a fruitless mission due to those random thoughts. There are the few random times where one of those rabbit holes paid off and I actually felt satisfied.
Recently I was working and having an extremely rough day – trying my best to not let the stress and overall feeling of sadness make me useless. Working remote does have its pros and cons – one of the latter would be the lack of social interaction sometimes. I am trying to keep my mind off of things and I get a phone call from this upbeat voice who needed a quick fix. We got to chatting and he told me about his podcast – then he said something to me that made me breakdown – this is nothing negative he said but something that made me just let loose. For being a random person on the phone asking for tech help to then hearing someone lose their shit basically was probably not what he had on his agenda for the morning. Without hesitation he told me to take a breath and just sit for a moment – gave me some encouraging words and then we parted ways. A few hours later I did look up his podcast and felt the need to reach out and tell him thank you. I spent the next few days in between calls and “free time” listening to the backlog of episodes on his podcast. I turned a few of you on to it and from the feedback it has been pretty helpful so I figured it was time to share more.
Trying to figure out how to work through things is a task in itself – I decided to try out daily meditation to see how it would help. Attempting to stick to the plan is my main goal…even with my daily reminders it is a habit I have to force myself to do. Hopefully this is something that will help me in the long run but I just need to be able to get out of my own way to get going. If you are also looking at meditation as an outlet or you just wanted to try it I got the app Balance free for a year – no strings if you wanted to try it too.